I got this…….

When my father was diagnosed with terminal cancer, I was already on my way up, rising from a tough place.   My attention focused on ‘THIS is now not about ME’.

     He was failing fast and I continued to work hard for a few more weeks, only…..as time was of the essence and I needed to fulfill his last wish for us to be together one last time.It was never a question…can I?  Am I strong enough?
It was not about me.
     On May 16, 2011, backpack and all, I hopped a plane for my hometown to be with Dad.  At first sight……nononono, be strong, don’t let him see you cry….it will make him feel bad.  No choice…..open wide the flood gates.  He was so weak
that he had to be helped with everything.. The next five days WOULD prove my own strength and also bring to light
what I was capable of and the choices I would make in the future…..it would alter my path.
    We are all different, with different strengths and weaknesses. I could never say no if someone is asking for me, especially in their final months, weeks or hours.
     At some point during this trip, I made a declaration to the universe that I would do everything possible to grant the wishes of family and friends……to be present during their battle if they needed me.  At the very least….always always  always keep them in my heart and let them know they mattered…..and they will not be forgotten.  Sometimes we can feel alone, even in a full house.  It would be my efforts to break through from my heart to theirs, so as to warm and comfort.
     I am not afraid of solitude…..sometimes I prefer it.  But, my heart is always connecting to others.  I reach out with everything that I am, even to those who are awkward in receiving.
     Age has a way of showing that “This sh*t is getting real!”  The reality of almost, at all times, I am sending love,  prayers, encouragement to someone special that is fighting a battle.  It is a part of me to do so…It is my gift to others.

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